Spirit Lead Me...

Sunday, February 8, 2015

I wanted to take a break today from blogging about fashion and beauty and talk about something that has become extremely important to me lately: my faith and spirituality. To preface, this post isn't about preaching to my readers how to pursue their own spiritual journey. I want to share how my desire to build a relationship with God has tremendously helped me during the difficult times I've had during the first few years of adulthood. 

In the past, I've written about some of the health issues I was able to overcome within the last couple years. Thanks to some incredible doctors and the support of my friends and family, I was able to overcome a severe anxiety disorder that was controlling every facet of my life. I truly believe the thing that lead to such a speedy recovery was my spirituality. If you've struggled with anxiety, you know the feeling - you feel everything is out of your control and something catastrophic could happen at any moment. I was tired of living in constant fear, so I decided to reconnect with God. 

I grew up going to church every Sunday with my family, but as I got older the church visits became more sporadic. In 2010, however, my grandfather passed away while I was on a plane back to the U.S. from a two week trip in Europe. I was devastated and was never able to say goodbye to a man who instilled so many good morals in me. My grandpa was the most spiritually strong man I knew and had been fighting Lymphoma since before I was born. He attributed his periods of remission to some of the best doctors in the country, and more importantly, his faith. After several Catholic funeral services in California and Michigan, I started to regret the lack of time I spent in church with my grandfather and wished I had had more time with him in a place that was so meaningful to him. As part of my grieving, I started to seek the Lord to not only connect with Him, but with my grandpa. 

Flash forward a couple years and I'm crying in the doctor's office hearing my anxiety diagnosis for the first time. It was almost the same feeling as losing my grandpa: a piece of me was gone and the situation was completely out of my control. While organizing my recovery plan, I decided I wanted to connect with God like I had never before. I wanted to know, whole-heartedly, that someone was watching out for me, guiding me, and protecting me from my fears and anxiety. I started going to a Hillsong church here in Chicago and actually reading the Bible that had been sitting on my bookshelf for years. I would highlight and memorize scripture that helped me cope with my anxiety and repeated them to myself during times of distress. I don't know what I would have done without 1 Peter 5:7 - "Cast all your anxieties on Him because He cares for you."

It's been almost a year since my last appointment with my therapist and my relationship with God continues to grow. He has given me the strength to let go and trust He will do what He can to let me live a life without fear of the unknown. Part of my recovery was taking daily runs on Chicago's Lakefront running path. All my life I've been a horrendous runner, but after a few weeks I was easily running three miles. It was then I thought, "Wow, God allows my body to do amazing things. He is here for me. He is with me."

I guess the point of this blog post was to let people know that whatever you're going through, there is someone, or something, protecting you from your deepest fears. If you're struggling with anything in your life, I encourage you to talk to someone about what you're going through, whether that be a family member, a friend, a doctor or God. Just speaking the words of your troubles can alleviate even the heaviest amount of weigh off your shoulders.


  1. Thank you for expressing yourself.
    This is a wonderful posting.

  2. I loved this post and how honest you were! Turning to Him in times of need is something I'm definitely working on. You are so strong!

    Stephanie xo


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